People should not assume lighters are only for smokers because really, the humble lighter could be used to great effect for so much more. For one, it could be used to burn down a wide range of mistakes from clothes you never should have carried out of the sixties to those love letters your husband wrote just before he walked out with the prettiest waitress in the neighborhood and left you with three children, two mortgages, and a cat. But of all mistakes you could burn down with a Zippo lighter, the likes of which you’ll find if you click here, what could be more embarrassing than coming across a paper you wrote ages ago, only to find it’s riddled with misplaced modifiers?
Those little modifiers may seem inconsequential but when badly misplaced, they have enough power to give coronaries, run other cars off roads, or cause people to choke on their sandwiches. As a matter of fact, one misplaced modifier can turn a simple billboard or hand-lettered sign into the joke of the century.
Sign posted at a hotel:
For those with children and don’t know it, there is a daycare in the second floor. (How could one have a child and not know it? This sign is definitely one for Zippo lighters to make short work of. Click here to get your Zippo.)
Justification given for missing a very important advertising pitch:
While on the way to work, the front tire went flat.
Sentence on a student’s paper:
Pizza was given to the children with sausage, mushrooms, and garlic on them. (What a novel idea! I have never seen children with sausage, mushrooms, and garlic on them!)
Note scrawled by a social worker on a child’s file:
The boy was referred to a psychologist with grave emotional problems. (Poor kid! Imagine how emotionally scarred he would be for life.)
Notice posted at a tourist spot:
You may also visit the cemetery where many former presidents are buried daily, except on Sundays.
Presidents? Buried daily? This country would have to hold at least 365 elections a year to bury at least one president daily! This notice is one that should be taken off pronto or torched with engraved Zippos which you can get if you visit this site.
Tags: engraved Zippos, Zippo lighter, Zippo lighters
This entry was posted
on Sunday, August 10th, 2008 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Executive Gifts.
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